Halloween Hoodlums of Hogwarts
by onebigscribble
Summary: Severus Snape hates Halloween. But this year he refuses to sit by and suffer an evening of screaming children under the influence of too much sugar. Snape has a plan to end the Halloween hoodlums' reign of terror. Written for the Twin Exchange October Challenge. AU.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter, it belongs to JK Rowling.

**A/N: **Written for the Twin Exchange October Challenge. The title was submitted by **aaliona** :) Obviously this is AU, as Snape and Lupin are alive. This is also set after the war and in a scenario where the trio return to Hogwarts for a final year.

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**Halloween Hoodlums of Hogwarts**

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Severus Snape stalked across the Hogwarts' grounds with a face like thunder. It was that time of year again. He hated All Hallows' Eve more than any other holiday on the calendar. Christmas and Easter were bad enough, with their brightly coloured decorations and ridiculous gimmicks like carol-singing house elves and rabbit ears on suits of armour. The only upside to those holidays were the obscene amount of roast turkey, chocolate eggs, and the blissful absence of students.

But Halloween was an entirely different cauldron of salamanders. Instead of the empty corridors he enjoyed at other holidays, today was a day where the students rampaged through the halls with dumgbombs and bloody Weasley products.

To add insult to injury, since the war the wizarding world seemed to have adopted the last day of October as its unofficial Potter Appreciation Day. Not that Potter needed to have his ego inflated anymore than it already was.

Severus ran a hand across the scar on his neck and increased his pace; the last thing he wanted was to be the victim of yet another dunderhead's prank. Having been announced a supposed 'war hero', a vast number of students seemed to have become convinced that he was not as nasty as he seemed. However, if he could have been bothered to waste his breath upon the imbeciles, he would have remarked that organising the entire Gryffindor Quidditch team to moon him with backsides painted like pumpkins was not a way to endear themselves to him.

Well, this year Severus would not sit by and suffer an evening of screaming children under the influence of too much sugar.

That giant oaf Hagrid had obviously been sweeping the lawn of leaves again, he thought to himself as he passed several large piles of dead leaves. Evidently the temptation of spiced mead had drawn the grounds keeper away from his job.

As he approached the steps up to the school he paused to tuck the ingredients he'd collected from the Herbology greenhouses into his cloak. Severus sighed, it was probably time for him to be at the feast by now and suffer the squawking of those little shi-

"Arrrrgh!" He exclaimed and tripped backwards while whipping out his wand. A tall silhouette lunged at him from a pile of leaves suddenly. He stopped a curse firing from his wand as he heard the telltale sound of giggling. He watched as two pairs of disembodied feet hurried back to the castle.

"Potter! Weasley!" He roared and took off after them, even though he knew that with the damn invisibility cloak it was futile.

Severus stormed into the dungeons and slammed the potions ingredients down on his desk before turning on his heel and striding towards the Great Hall. After a day of being the victim of several badly executed pranks, he was not going spend his evening herding gaggles of giggling goons back to their common rooms.

This year, Severus Snape had a plan.

o0o

Upon striding towards his seat at the staff table Severus noted two things. Firstly, he was stuck next to Lupin – again. Secondly there was a badly constructed life-size doll, evidently meant to be him, sat in his seat wearing a hat with a stuffed vulture on top. _Wonderful_... he thought and shoved the Snape-personator out of his seat and into Sybil Trelawney's lap.

Severus sat down in his seat, ignoring the ripple of laughter from the student body.

"Good evening, Severus," Lupin said mildly, the corners of his mouth twitching.

"Shut up, you mange-infested mutt," He growled in reply and took a large sip of wine.

"Always a pleasure," Lupin continued.

"Why do you insist upon talking to me?" He groaned and turned his attention to watching as the students dug into their sugar-laden feast.

_Yes, stuff your greedy little faces_, he thought to himself with a sneer. "Dinner time just wouldn't be the same without your sunny disposition," Lupin intoned before taking a mouthful of treacle tart.

"If I find out you had anything to do with that poor excuse for a prank's outfit, I'll slip hemlock into your Wolfsbane," Severus replied, taking another sip of wine.

"I thought it was a rather unique joke, and the resemblance was quite striking!" Lupin said, holding back a chuckle.

"Why Severus, I must say that whoever created this little joke has captured your distinguished profile and brooding air perfectly," Trelawney said airily while stroking the doll's crooked and grossly oversized nose.

"Don't touch my – its nose!" Severus exclaimed and wrenched the thing away from the deranged old hag.

Severus crossed his arms and waited as the noise in the hall began to die down. He smiled malevolently as he saw Weasley's gormless freckled face splat into his plate of treacle tart and whipped cream. After several more resounding splats he looked up to find the students snoring into their plates and a heavenly hush descend.

"Severus?" McGonagall asked as her eyebrows rose almost to her hairline.

"Minerva?" He replied.

"Do you have anything to do with this?"

"No," He replied shortly.

"Well, let us hope that whatever _sleeping draught_ it was that caused this hasn't affected the teachers," McGonagall said, placing her spoon down.

"Whatever is wrong with Remus?" Trelawney exclaimed.

"Chocolate...boggart... Padfoot..." The werewolf muttered woozily before he slid out of his chair and began snoring.

"I wonder if his legs will twitch if he dreams about running?" Severus remarked.

"Oh honestly," McGonagall said with tut of displeasure. "Let's start levitating the students back to their dormitories. Severus you can move Remus back to his quarters – I fear you may drop the students out the astronomy tower window if I allow you to help us."

Having finally deposited Lupin just inside the doorway of his quarters, Severus walked back to his own and collapsed into a chair. Then, and only then, did he allow himself to laugh. His laughter bounced off the walls and faded away.

Finally, there was silence.

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**A/N: **Hope you enjoyed! Do let me know what you think :)


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